The Philosopher Games: Who would win in a knife fight between all the philosophers?

Round Five: The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Philosophy


This is it. Only ten remain, and only one can survive. Who will it be? Let’s take a quick look at the competition before the violence starts:

 THALES avatar Name: Thales of Miletus
Dates: c. 624-546 BC
School: Ionian, Milesian, Pre-Socratic, Naturalism
Strengths: Original, analytic, scientific, inventive, ambitious, shrewd, strategic, athletic, not afraid of death
Weaknesses: Potentially too sure of himself – never had any real opponents
Assets: Experience with strategy and diplomacy, money, universal respect
Special Abilities: Induce Awe, Rally, Trigonometry
 SUN TZU avatar Name: Sun Tzu
Dates: 544-496 BC
School: None
Strengths: Strength, cruelty, courage, intelligence.
Weaknesses: Used to having command.
Assets: Military training to the max,
Special Abilities: Intimidation, Finishing Blow, Tactical Strike, Artful Strike
 EMPEDOCLES avatar Name: Empedocles of Agrigentum
Dates: c. 490-430 BC
School: Pluralist, pre-Socratic, Pythagorean
Strengths: Imposing, mysterious, strong, confident
Weaknesses: Vain, superstitious, deluded.
Assets: God complex,
Special Abilities: Cure Wound, Ward Evil, Magic Storm
 SOCRATES avatar Name: Socrates of Athens
Dates: c. 469-399 BC
School: Classical Greek, Socratic, Platonic
Strengths: Witty, courageous, sharp, valorous, strong, resilient, original, independent, not afraid of death.
Weaknesses: Foolhardy, annoying, manipulative.
Assets: Inner daimon, military training, mind-over-matter control.
Special Abilities: Daimonic Possession, Courageous Feat, Transcendence, Use of Forms
 CAESAR avatar Name: Emperor Marcus Aurelius
Dates: 121-180 AD
School: Stoicism
Strengths: Courage, honor, virtue, stability, wisdom.
Weaknesses: Too temperate, haughty, spoiled.
Assets: Military training.
Special Abilities: Finishing Blow, Inspire Awe, Glory of Rome
 BRAHE avatar Name: Tycho Brahe
Dates: 1546-1601 AD
School: Natural Philosophy, Copernican
Strengths: Unpredictable, independent, confident.
Weaknesses: Illogical, eccentric, annoying.
Assets: Pet Elk, psychic midget, intimidating prosthetic nose, beer.
Special Abilities: See the Future, Elk Charge, Drunken Rage
THOREAU avatar Name: Henry David Thoreau
Dates: 1817-1862 AD
School: Transcendentalism
Strengths: Independent, Rebellious, Practical
Weaknesses: Pesky, compassionate (humanitarian)
Assets: Forestry, survival skills
Special Abilities: Retreat, Woodwork, Javelin Throw, Hide
NIETZSCHE avatar Name: Friedrich Nietzsche
Dates: 1844-1900 AD
School: Classicism, Existentialism
Strengths: Ruthless, ambitious, desperate, selfish
Weaknesses: Sickly, mentally fragile, melancholic
Assets: Rage, insanity
Special Abilities: Mental Breakdown, Backstab, Reinvigoration
WITTGENSTEIN avatar Name: Ludwig Wittgenstein
Dates: 1889-1951 AD
School: Analytic or none
Strengths: Choleric, observant, courageous
Weaknesses: Suicidal, moody
Assets: Military training
Special Abilities: Tactical Strike, Commando Crawl, Dress Wound
WOJTYLA avatar Name: Pope John Paul II
Dates: 1979-2005 AD
School: Phenomenology, Thomism, Aristotelian
Strengths: Passionate, hardy, athletic
Weaknesses: Compassionate, non-violent
Assets: Papacy
Special Abilities: Peaceful Protest, Miraculous Escape, Infallibility

(I cooked up something special for this last round. Watch the video below.)

The ten contestants gather in a circle in the central field as they did at the start of the Philosopher Games.

The horn sounds.

The fight begins!


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