Academic-Speak: A Parody

I am fed up with how most academic scholars choose to write. You’ve all read something like it at some point: those pretentious articles filled with unnecessarily convoluted sentence structures and bizarre word replacements like ‘problematic’ for ‘problem’ or ‘crucialities’ for ‘important stuff.’ Some of the words they use don’t even exist.

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Motivational Posters: Theodore Roosevelt Edition

Aside

Reblogged from The Art of Manliness

Motivational Posters: Theodore Roosevelt Edition

by BRETT & KATE MCKAY on MAY 17, 2009

in A MAN’S LIFEMOTIVATIONAL POSTERS

presidenttheodoreroosevelt

If you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, you’ll know that we’re big fans of Theodore Roosevelt. No one preached the art of manliness more ardently or lived it more fervently than TR. To start your week off with a swift kick in the pants of manly inspiration, we’ve created some TR-themed motivational posters. Each poster includes a picture of Roosevelt living the strenuous life, along with a motivational quote from the man himself. Bully! (If you receive email updates, you might have to come to the site to see the images.) Continue reading

The Philosopher Games: Who would win in a knife fight between all the philosophers?

Inspired by who would win in a knife fight between all the American Presidents, I decided to launch my own thought experiment of a similar nature, namely: who would win in a knife fight between all the major philosophers of history, both Eastern and Western. In this hypothetical duel to the death, the following factors are in play:

  • All philosophers are assumed to be in their prime and at their strongest, although they are of indeterminate ages. Their entire life story is taken into account. All anecdotes about the philosophers are assumed to be true. 
  • There are no rules of combat.
  • The arena is a Hunger Games style prison, and no one may leave the fight until the game is over.
  • Everyone has a boeing knife.
  • Only one philosopher may win, but philosophers may make temporary alliances.
  • Each philosopher will be generally evaluated, and then put into one of 5 categories: (1) Finalist, (2) Survivalist, (3) Fighter, (4) Resister, and (5) Early casualty, before the final winner is decided. 
  • There will be five rounds of battle. The final round will begin when only twenty philosophers are left standing. During the final round, new rules will be announced.

Unlike the United States Presidency, Philosophy has been going on for thousands of years, so instead of 44 contestants there are a whopping 89. Don’t be afraid of the numbers, for I guarantee you won’t get bored; philosophers are a very interesting bunch of people, and the most rewarding part of this post has been researching their lives and finding out how crazy they all are. This will be a wild knife fight.

Let the games begin! Continue reading

Pinaud, Derby, Barbasol, and MENLINESS

This morning I had my first shave. That is, I had my first true shave,  with an old-school Derby® safety razor, “CHROMIUM-CERAMIC-PLATINUM-TUNGSTEN and POLYMER COATED EDGES” FOR THE KIND OF MANLY SHAVE YOU’RE LOOKING FOR! With religious reverence and dogmatic exactitude I scraped the hard edge of the fresh blade across my scruff and felt the unruly legions of beard give way beneath it’s reaping. Continue reading

A Series of (Maybe Not So?) Unfortunate Events

Some people are idiots. For those few who have not heard it told as of yet, Anthony Patti was one of them.

Some things seem to turn out horribly wrong with no sign of redemption. This, however, is a pernicious lie. The truth is that we are all blind fools, and like all blind fools are terribly short-sighted. In other words, there is a silver lining in everything. In other words, everything that has a sad ending actually has a happy ending. In other words, things are rarely as one suspects.

This tale is of this very last week, during which Anthony Patti suffered a series of most unfortunate events. Continue reading