A Faltering Rebellion (A Meditation)

You indefatigable monster, you Shadow Brute! Let me alone! Quit your greedy hunger! I am my own person; you can’t have me! Stop chasing me, oh damnable hound of heaven. Stop your infinite movements toward my universe, oh lion-lamb. Stop! Desist! Cease your salvation!

Don’t you get it? I know you thirst, but I thirst too. I have needs, and they must be filled, and they can’t be filled by you. Can I drink of the cup, the new wine of the covenant, the gall of bitter aspect? Only you can bear it, oh Shadow Brute. I am too weak. I have my needs, and they must be filled. Let this cup pass from me and go your way. You are the Son of Heavens; let the will of heaven be done in you, and leave well enough alone in me. Continue reading


Divine Unrest (A Meditation)

Divine unrest. I’m not sure what it means if you want a strict definition. I do not know of it, but I know it, right now. It’s that feeling of anxiety and restlessness that equals joy. It’s that call from Beyond, so close to your ear that it tickles and irritates you. It’s like the feeling in your muscles when you’ve been sedentary for too long, the strange yearning for lactic acid and soreness. It’s that boredom that produces yearning that produces possibility that produces mystical rapture. It’s when Something needs to happen, but that need becomes a deep, almost romantic love for the Something. Continue reading

Healing Yourself From Yourself (OR: The Problem Behind the Problem of Pain)

Everyone has baggage. Everyone has wounds. Everyone has demons in their closet. It is an unequivocal fact that everyone has a tragic backstory. It’s part of the Fall; it’s part of being human; it’s part of life. Continue reading

The Best Human Being EVER! (OR: What Pope Francis has to offer)

He’s done it. He’s done it! He’s DONE IT AGAIN! That unassuming basterd, that humble cosmic force that disguises himself as a turtledove, that ineffable Holy Spirit has DONE IT AGAIN! Once again I far underestimated the Third Person’s ability to kick ass. I thought: Surely, the Holy Spirit has given us enough good Popes this last century to last a millennium  Surely our time is up; surely the good streak can’t go on forever. Surely after such heroes as Pope Leo XIII and Pope John XXIII, the Church needs a bad Pope to keep it humble. 

Surely after the towering legend of Pope John Paul II (if Padre Pio is the Catholic Chuck Norris, then Pope John Paul II is the Catholic Jet Li), surely after such terrible awesomeness, the world deserves a breather

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Peter, ye gutsie basterd


Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.

– Teddy Roosevelt

The beautiful thing about courage is it has to be divine. Look at St. Peter, the man who denied Jesus, the man who freaked out when he tried to walk on water, the man who never once had the guts to trust Jesus, even after loaves and fishes began to multiply like Catholic babies. In Acts 1, this man walked up to a lame beggar, looked in his eyes, and then said to him:

Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk (Acts 3:6).


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The Valleys and Mountains of Advent

I cannot help but follow up on yesterday’s post since there is nothing better than writing about Advent. Advent is the preparation for the battle, but in a “young hero learns from wise old wizard way,” not the “Black Hawk down!” chaos of Christ’s Passion. Advent is the gentlest season in the way it teaches us. We don’t even try to learn, and yet it teaches. We wake up Christmas morning to find God in a manger, and somehow it doesn’t surprise us as much as it should since we’ve been quietly prepared for it the whole time. Continue reading