The Philosopher Games: Who would win in a knife fight between all the philosophers?

Inspired by who would win in a knife fight between all the American Presidents, I decided to launch my own thought experiment of a similar nature, namely: who would win in a knife fight between all the major philosophers of history, both Eastern and Western. In this hypothetical duel to the death, the following factors are in play:

  • All philosophers are assumed to be in their prime and at their strongest, although they are of indeterminate ages. Their entire life story is taken into account. All anecdotes about the philosophers are assumed to be true. 
  • There are no rules of combat.
  • The arena is a Hunger Games style prison, and no one may leave the fight until the game is over.
  • Everyone has a boeing knife.
  • Only one philosopher may win, but philosophers may make temporary alliances.
  • Each philosopher will be generally evaluated, and then put into one of 5 categories: (1) Finalist, (2) Survivalist, (3) Fighter, (4) Resister, and (5) Early casualty, before the final winner is decided. 
  • There will be five rounds of battle. The final round will begin when only twenty philosophers are left standing. During the final round, new rules will be announced.

Unlike the United States Presidency, Philosophy has been going on for thousands of years, so instead of 44 contestants there are a whopping 89. Don’t be afraid of the numbers, for I guarantee you won’t get bored; philosophers are a very interesting bunch of people, and the most rewarding part of this post has been researching their lives and finding out how crazy they all are. This will be a wild knife fight.

Let the games begin! Continue reading