A Faltering Rebellion (A Meditation)

You indefatigable monster, you Shadow Brute! Let me alone! Quit your greedy hunger! I am my own person; you can’t have me! Stop chasing me, oh damnable hound of heaven. Stop your infinite movements toward my universe, oh lion-lamb. Stop! Desist! Cease your salvation!

Don’t you get it? I know you thirst, but I thirst too. I have needs, and they must be filled, and they can’t be filled by you. Can I drink of the cup, the new wine of the covenant, the gall of bitter aspect? Only you can bear it, oh Shadow Brute. I am too weak. I have my needs, and they must be filled. Let this cup pass from me and go your way. You are the Son of Heavens; let the will of heaven be done in you, and leave well enough alone in me. Continue reading

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Divine Unrest (A Meditation)

Divine unrest. I’m not sure what it means if you want a strict definition. I do not know of it, but I know it, right now. It’s that feeling of anxiety and restlessness that equals joy. It’s that call from Beyond, so close to your ear that it tickles and irritates you. It’s like the feeling in your muscles when you’ve been sedentary for too long, the strange yearning for lactic acid and soreness. It’s that boredom that produces yearning that produces possibility that produces mystical rapture. It’s when Something needs to happen, but that need becomes a deep, almost romantic love for the Something. Continue reading